


Nameless

by Aelfigueroa (jaokolad)



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: AU, Action, Angst and Feels, C25K Spoilers, Drama, F/F, F/M, Season 1 Spoilers, Season 2 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:52:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaokolad/pseuds/Aelfigueroa
Summary: All her life, Five has been able to interact with ghosts. Everyday is a struggle to keep her ability a secret from both the living and the dead. Alice knew Five could see her the moment their eyes met. Now, she won't let Five rest until she tells Sam all the things she left unsaid.Begins after season 1, mission 19 "An Unimportant Mission," but before mission 20 "Listen In." The story will have spoilers for all of season 2 and the C25K story line as well.This is also an illustrated fic and will look best on your browser!





	Nameless

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my dear friend Bubosi who gave me the courage to write this, acted as my cheerleader throughout, and was my wonderful beta as well. This never would have happened without you! I can't begin to express to you my gratitude~

  
  
  
The house Five stood before was beautiful once. The siding was mostly white, the shutters a faded blue. Summer grass had grown tall, reaching the bottom sills, and flower beds were now wild with weeds. The windows were still intact and past the white lace curtains, boards fortified the inside. On the blue door was a welcome sign: a circle with an X in its center, food and maybe weapons inside. 

“Great, the sign is still there!” Sam’s cheer made her flinch a bit as it came loud and sudden on her headset. “Go on and check to see if you can find any food. If it’s empty, we can cross it out and update the map. Got your spray can with you?” With one smooth motion, Five pulled the old black can from her belt, flipping it with a flourish in the view of her headset camera. 

“Yeah, of course,” he laughed. “Always ready Runner Five. No signs of zoms, but just be careful.” 

The knob turned and with effort, she pushed past the modest barricade inside. Up and over the toppled couch, Five took a moment to take it all in. A living room laid in ruins, both chaotic and peaceful. Furniture was turned over, stuffing ripped out, a table left half dismantled for wood on the floor. Yet, it all slept under a blanket of dust which fell like snow through thin beams of light. From her belt, Five removed her flashlight and headed through. 

Pictures filled with happy moments hung on the hallway walls. She stopped at a family portrait and began to dust off the glass with her sleeve. Gray smeared away and revealed a smiling a woman with a long black braid, holding her happy son and daughter. 

“You and those pictures,” Sam sighed. “Do you need to do that at every house?”

“Yep.” Finished, Five straightened the picture on the wall. “It’s an old superstition.” 

“Ever worry that while you’re busy playing house maid, a zombie’s just going to, I don’t know, pop out of a cupboard or something?”

“Nope.” Turning from the picture Five entered the kitchen.

“Still, be careful, ok? Looking at a wall doesn’t help me help you.” 

The kitchen was a mess. Every drawer had been pulled out, every fragile thing in pieces on the floor. With a sigh, Five began to sift through the debris for any signs of food.

“Hey, here’s a funny thing,” Sam began after a few moments of relative silence. “Last night, at supper, Simon asked me what your name was.” Five paused in her search.

“He figured I would know. Opened my mouth to tell him, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of what it was. Now, it’s totally possible that you told me and I forgot- but. That’s…” He sighed. “Not like me. I make it a point to remember everyone’s name.” 

Five noticed the door to the pantry behind a few planks of wood and moved them aside. In the musty darkness waited a few shelves of cans. 

“So, just to be sure, I asked Janine and Maxine. Neither knew.” Sam waited patiently for her to reply, but when all Five did was start loading up cans, he continued. 

“Look. I get it. Getting to know people during the apocalypse is risky. When you’re ready to tell me, I’d really love to know it.” She couldn’t help a small laugh. “No, I mean it! No pressure, of course. Just wanted to put it out there.” 

“Five is fine.”

“But it’s so formal. Don’t you want people to know the real you? Come to think of it I hardly know anything about you. Did you have a big family?”

“Nope.”

“Nope to the family, or the wanting people to know you part?”

She closed the bag up and hoisted it onto her shoulders, offering him no answer.

“Alright, alright. I can take a hint. I just hope you’ve got someone that you can talk to. Besides me, of course, since you don’t want to. Which is fine. Not offended. Or jealous.” Five left the pantry, twenty or more cans still on the shelves that just didn’t fit in her bag. Over broken glass and scattered utensils, she made her way through the kitchen. Her quick pace stopped at once in the hallway.

There, staring at the dusted family portrait was a woman with long black hair. She swayed softly while humming a melody Five couldn’t quite place. A darkness flowed from her and curled around the dirty baseboards. Half her neck was missing and Five could see the picture through her semi-transparent body. Careful not to react, she slipped past the ghost. Through the living room, Five almost made it out before an envelope caught her eye. 

“See something useful?” Sam asked. Five picked up the envelope and he sighed. “Now you’re going to organize their mail? We don’t have time for this, Five. It’s almost sundown.”

“It’ll just take a minute.” She opened it, pulling out a letter.  
“If you hurry, you’ll be able to hit another house before having to come home.” She refused to put it down. “C’mon Fiv-” With a click, Five killed the power to her headset. Careful, slow steps brought her back into the hallway. 

_‘Hello?’_ It was a thought directed at the figure. Slowly, the woman turned. The only facial feature left on her was her mouth, pulled into an anguished scowl. The rest of it was blurred or distorted or missing altogether. With a jerk, it began to rush at Five. 

_‘Your name is Rachel Gainer.’_ At once the ghost stopped, only the flowing darkness continuing its momentum past Five. _‘I’ll remember your name for three days. It’ll buy you some time to get finished whatever it is you’ve got to do. From the looks of you, you don’t have much time left.’_ The sound of a window breaking somewhere in the house made her jump. Five began to backup towards the front door. 

‘You can see me? Please don’t go!’ The woman pleaded, following her. There was a thud as something fell through the broken window. Five turned and began to climb the barricade.

_‘Look, I’m doing something nice for you. Just go sort your stuff out, I don’t have time to help you.’_

‘I’m looking for my family. My son and daughter. I need to know if they’re ok!’

Five was halfway up and over the couch when she stopped and looked back at the woman. _‘You haven’t felt them say your name? You should be able to feel them talk about you.’_ Rachel bowed her head and gave it a pitiful shake. 

_‘Crap, that’s right. They’re your kids, they’d just think of you as ‘mom.’ Or they’re dead,’_ Five shrugged. _‘If they’re dead then they’re already on the other side. Either way I can’t help.’_

Rachel reached out and grabbed Five’s arm, the freezing touch stopping her in her climb. ‘You could help me look-’

_‘No. Either accept that you won’t see them again and let go of your desire and cross over, or you can stay. I don’t care either way.’_ She pulled from her and hurried out of the house and into the fading daylight.

There were only half a dozen people wandering the cracked streets of the development. All of them were in different stages of distortion as the living forgot their faces, their voices. In the growing shadows between the houses lingered the ones that were utterly forgotten. Their names were lost even to themselves and their business was left unfinished, rendering them masses of hungry darkness. Careful to avoid the deeper shadows, Five put on more speed. She couldn’t be stuck out with the nameless. Not again.

Once she made it halfway home, Five turned back on her headset. 

“I am _so_ livid right now,” Sam was on the mic the instant it went live again. “When I see Sara next, I’m going to give her a piece of my mind for teaching you that nasty little trick, and then I’m going to tell Janine AND Runner Seven to give you a piece of their mind. You get that this isn’t some game, right? You could actually get hurt out there. You were supposed to get the food and get out, not polish picture frames and who knows what else. You didn’t hear me trying to warn you about the five zoms that made their way into the backyard, did you? They were crawling into the window-” 

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, this time! Good runners have died being ten times more careful than you were back there!” In the following pause, Five could almost hear the still fresh pain as he took a deep breath. “I think I’ve gone through enough Fives for one lifetime, ok? Promise me you won’t do that again.” 

“I promise. Sorry.” She was sorry she bothered to try to help that woman. Ghosts were always so clingy and didn’t care about things like your need to eat or sleep or run from zombies. “I’m not doing that again.” 

“Good. Well, anyway, you’re safe and almost home with a bag filled with enough cans to last us a while. I’d still call that a success, even if you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Abel was the home to all her mixed feelings. Five was always happy for a warm and safe place to sleep and food to eat. However, it was crawling with the living and the dead. Ghosts of the remembered still clung to those who loved them. It was hard to ignore them all, filling all the spaces between the people in the crowded mud roads of Abel. Five kept her eyes to the ground as she moved towards the comms shack. If the ghosts knew she could see them, they’d descend upon her. Like Rachel, they would demand her help. They could touch her, and they would never leave her alone. 

As anxious as the streets made her feel, the little comms shack and even smaller room inside was worse. Five stopped outside its door and steadied herself. Just get it over with. In and out. With a deep breath, she entered. Sam was just wrapping up things at his station now that all the runners were home and the gates were closed. He smiled when she came in, no hint of any anger or annoyance left on his face. 

“Hey, you got to the shack pretty quick. Must be excited for soup night.” She took off her headset and removed the extra battery pack from her belt, passing them both into his waiting hands. Five didn’t make eye contact with him, immediately taking off her backpack and placing it on the floor to begin to count the haul. 

“The higher ups have asked me to start doing these write-up sheets for when things go wrong or someone breaks protocol.” Sam cleared his throat. “But, I think I might just sort of forget to do it this time. As long as it’s the last time.”

“Good deal. Thanks.” Five took the last can out. “Twenty cans. Five corn, five carrots, two peas, eight beans.” Sam wrote it down as Five began to dig into the side compartments. 

“Is. Everything ok?” His question made Five stop for just a second and she didn’t dare look his way. “I mean, I think we get along well, but if there’s something I’m doing-”

“You’re fine. I’m just. Excited for soup night.” It was a lie that he easily believed. 

“Great! Maybe tonight you can sit with us. I know that runner-”

“Two batteries, a usb stick, some bandages and a sports bra.” She said, rushing to pack it all back into the bag. Five was thankful for the moment of quiet as he wrote it down. 

“What I was saying is we’d love to have you at our table. You’re always welcome.”

“Great, thanks. That’s super nice of you.” The last can back inside, she closed up the bag and swung it onto her shoulder. 

“So you’ll come?” 

The thought of it turned her stomach and slowly she opened her mouth. “I mean. I get there pretty late.”

“We stay for ages talking, it’s really not a problem.”

“I.” Five finally looked at Sam and regretted it instantly. She should say no. She wanted to say no, but- his face. He wanted a yes _so bad_. “Fffine, yes ok. I’ll be there.”

“Yes!” He pumped his fist into the air in victory. “Oh man, everyone’s going to be so excited! This is going to be the best soup night ever!” The joy it gave him brought a small grin to Five, a second of warmth in her gut, but she quickly pushed it away.

“I need to go. Gotta drop these off.” 

“Right, see you later!” He waved as Five sprinted from the room. 

Muggy summer air filled her lungs as Five took deep breaths past the door. Before she could take a step towards the street, she felt a familiar cold hand on her shoulder. 

‘That run could have gone better. What happened?’ Alice Dempsey had been a ghost who had haunted Five the moment she had arrived at Abel. After Five had come sprinting into the gate, they had met each other’s eyes and Alice knew she could see her. Five had tried to pretend that she couldn’t, but Alice never gave up. 

_‘I had a momentary lapse in judgment. Won’t happen again.’_ She looped around the back of the comms shack so that other ghosts might not notice them speaking to one another. 

‘You reached out again, didn’t you?’ Alice teased, poking the runner’s arm. ‘That’s so sweet.’

Five swatted her hand away and sighed. _‘She was nearly formless. I thought maybe I could buy her a few days and I didn’t want Sam to wonder why I was staring at the wall for five minutes.’_

‘You could have said you heard a zomb, or had a leg cramp or something.’

_‘Yeah, good suggestions. I’m still never doing it again,’_ Five adjusted the weight of her backpack. _‘I need to think of a way to get out of dinner.’_

Alice floated in front of her, causing Five to come to a quick stop. ‘No, you can’t do that. He’s so excited!’

_‘And he’ll forget all about it the moment all his pals are around him.’_ The sad expression on Alice’s face sent a pang of guilt into Five’s gut. _‘You know I’m right.’_

The ghost’s shoulders slumped. ‘After everything I’ve told you about him, that’s how you feel?’

That was the problem. Alice had been so eager to tell her all about her precious Sam and the time the two of them briefly shared. Five knew that she was trying to convince her that he was someone she could trust and grow close to. Alice thought if Five just heard about how hard he worked, or how much he cared, or how nice he was, then she would throw away every bit of her good common sense and tell him everything. 

Instead, it just made things more complicated. Her own experiences told her he was a good and trustworthy operator. Alice told her Sam was so much more. Life told her that honesty was always a mistake. It made it hard to be around him, which just complicated things further. She took a breath and pushed past Alice. Why would he care? No one’s dinner would be ruined by her absence, least of all someone as loved as him. 

_‘I’m not that important.’_

‘Yes, you are. You’re his friend whether you like it or not.’

_‘Then I just need to not be his friend,’_ Five shrugged. _‘That won’t be too hard.’_

Alice floated to Five. ‘You try to pretend like you don’t care about anyone. Then you reach out and do something kind. Like today, or like with me.’

_‘Getting your things to Frances was more for myself.’_ From the look on Alice’s face, Five could tell she wasn’t buying it. _‘I had to earn my number.’_

‘You wanted to, just like some part of you wants a friend. Any friend. Even a ghost.’

_‘You’re wrong,’_ Five frowned, meeting Alice’s eyes with her own. _‘You don’t know anything about me.’_

‘You’re right. No one does,’ Alice reached out and put her hands on Five’s shoulders. ‘Isn’t that the problem? Life is too short to live it alone.’ Without warning, Alice pulled her towards the street where the people went about their lives. They talked and laughed and smiled, surrounded by the living and the dead. 

‘Don’t you want that?’ Alice whispered near her ear. ‘Someone to think of you, miss you, worry for you. Love you-’

Five ran down the street, dodging people and ghosts, no destination in mind other than away from Alice. Behind a building, she stopped to catch her breath and to her relief found herself alone. Her backpack fell to the patchy grass. 

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Five whispered to herself. “She’s just trying to use me.” It was a mantra every time Alice touched this nerve. The ghost didn’t really care. It was never about Five’s happiness, or else Alice would have stopped bothering her months ago. She’d understand that there was no way she could do what Alice needed her to do. No amount of stories or promises or insights or reenactments would change her mind. The ghost’s unsaid words were just something she couldn’t tell Sam without all the rest of Five’s secrets. 

Why should she risk everything for her? It was such a selfish request, but that was just how the dead were. They never cared about what happened to her after they got what they wanted. Alice would move onto the other side when it was all said and done and leave her in the wake of everything. Time and again, over and over, telling people always proved to be a mistake. 

Her right hand touched a raised scar on her upper left arm through the fabric of her sleeve. Her fingertips traced its shape from the middle of her arm to her shoulder. It was a reminder of what happened when people knew. With a deep breath, Five pushed darker thoughts and painful memories aside, grabbed her backpack and headed out into the streets and towards the mess hall. 

Helplessness was a feeling that Alice rarely felt when she was alive. She was a take charge person who did what it took to get the job done. Every action was hers to take, all her decisions were her own. But now, there was nothing she could do. Her situation was out of her control. Her fate rested in the hands of a scared, selfish… lonely person who only seemed to know how to run away. She sighed as Five vanished into the crowd. 

Alice headed back into the shack and the helplessness melted away to the warmth that always came when she saw him. Sam was doing his last Rofflenet check before heading out for the day. He was tired. She could tell by the way he hunched, how he’d at times rest his cheek in his hand as he scrolled. The way it made his face so round still made her smile. 

‘Hey, do you remember that time I beat you to the comms shack one morning and I put googly eyes on everything?’ Alice asked him. She laughed through the painful silence as her fingertips traced along the top of his monitor. ‘You nearly fell over laughing. Janine, she was so cross with us when we refused to take them off the monitors. It was the best misappropriation of rec room craft supplies ever.’ She looked to Sam and caught him yawning. ‘Seeing you smile all week was so worth it.’

The quiet that followed swallowed up the happiness of the memory and once again helplessness filled its space. Refusing to let it take hold, Alice pushed the bitter pain away and filled the silence. 

‘Hey Sam, why can’t zoo animals take tests?’ She watched as he turned off the monitor and stood and stretched. ‘Because there’s too many cheetahs!’ Sam headed for the door and Alice floated by his side. ‘You would have loved that one. You’d have tried not to laugh for a second before just crumpling into giggles.’

She wanted to hear that laugh so much. It was the laugh he made when he didn’t care who might hear how loud or strange it might sound, made of pure unfiltered happiness. It was a sound she needed, one she hadn’t heard in so, so long. To hear it and see that sweet, beautiful, goofy smile would somehow make all of this ok. Maybe if she told another joke, maybe by some miracle he’d hear her.

‘H-Hey Sam, what do runners eat before a race?’ He kept walking. ‘Sam? What do runners eat before a race?’

“Hey!” He shouted, and for a split second Alice thought her miracle had finally happened. Then, she spotted Jody a short distance away. Sam hurried over to her, leaving Alice’s ghost behind. “Hey, Jody, guess what.” 

“Someone’s found a way to bring back pizza delivery?” Jody guessed, earning a small chuckle from Sam. 

“No, though that would be amazing. I convinced Five to agree to sit with us tonight!”

Jody raised an eyebrow. “Wow. How on earth did you manage that?” 

“Time, patience, and friendliness goes a long way. We need to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

“You know,” Jody crossed her arms. “Not everyone is as eager as you when it comes to being around people. All us runners tried to make her feel welcome. We all gave her things, everyone’s been nice.”

“But we’re all a team. We can’t just leave people out.”

“Sam, no one’s left Five out of anything,” Jody shrugged. “The invite’s always been there. Some people just want to be alone.” 

“I know, I know,” Sam sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “But there’s just something a little off about it. I don’t know what it is.” 

Alice put her hands on his shoulders. ‘That’s right. Don’t stop reaching for her.’

Sam struggled to pick the right words to describe the feeling, his eyes on the ground for a moment before meeting Jody’s. “My gut says something’s wrong.”

Jody stared at him for a moment, but her arms uncrossed and she sighed. “Alright. We can at least make tonight fun and who knows? She might open up. I’ll find Simon and make sure he knows how important this is to you. Wouldn’t want him saying something rude and ruining it.”

“Brilliant, good thinking. I’ll meet you at the mess.” Before Jody could answer, Sam waved and hurried off. Alice stuck close to him, glad that somehow, someway, he could feel her urging him towards Five. She refused to be helpless. One way or another, she’d make them friends. 

Alice wouldn’t just wait to be forgotten.

 

It felt like it took forever to drop off all her supplies, but finally Five opened the door to her dorm. It was peaceful and quiet and everything she wanted for all of the two seconds it took for her to notice Chris McShell in the corner. 

‘You’re late. Everything alright?’ Five plopped down in her chair and scooted to her tiny desk. 

_‘Everything’s fine.’_ She pulled a composition book from her drawer. It was nearly full of notes, all in Chris’ handwriting. 

‘My wife would say that, and it was never ‘fine’ every time she said it.’ He walked over and took his spot behind her. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

It was such a simple question and Five took a moment of silence to think about it. No commands to open up, no lectures on friendship, it was a simple extended hand. It put her at ease and the tension left her shoulders. Five closed her eyes. 

_‘No, I don’t think there is. But thank you, Chris.’_

‘My pleasure. Shall we begin?’

Five nodded and Chris put his hands on her shoulders. She sighed and pushed away her worries. 

Chris knew what Five was offering him was something extraordinary and he didn’t take the gift for granted. His grip steady and firm on her shoulders, he just needed to think her name for it to begin. To him, it was like slipping into a warm bath. Empty cold numbness turned into tingling awareness of her pulse, her breathing. He could feel the pen as though it were in his own hands. Through her eyes he could see the words as they poured onto the pages. All day, he would observe zombies with no danger to himself, and every night he would meet up with Five and get the day’s data down on paper. He knew he couldn’t cross over without completing his work and she provided an avenue to do the otherwise impossible. 

For Five, it was like going to sleep. It was a cold, dark, noiseless place with no one there to bother or harm her. It was also wide and empty, leaving her utterly alone with just herself and her thoughts. McShell had been easy to trust, she had seen how far the man would go for his work. There would be no way he’d do something to jeopardize her vessel when it would mean never being able to do meaningful work again. 

Five had thought about letting Alice do this once. She could write Sam a letter and finally let her say everything she wanted to. But who knows what Alice would end up doing with her body, given the chance? There was no way she’d settle for a letter when Alice could go over there and hug him again, feel him again. Five would never get her body back.

An hour passed quickly and Chris let go, releasing his control. The pain in her wrist was normal and Five did her best to ignore it as she looked over the twenty new pages he had managed to write down. 

‘So, I think we might be wrapping up some major theories in the next few sessions.’ Chris said, looking over her shoulder as she read his work. 

_‘Good, I’m running out of composition books.’_ She closed it and walked to her bed. Under it, she removed a board and added it to the other four, each filled in the week since his death. 

‘I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. This work is going to help protect the lives of everyone here in Abel.’ Five didn’t get a chance to reply before a knock at her door made her jolt and hit her head on her bed frame. 

“Five?” It was Sam. Five scrambled out from under her bed and shoved the floor board under it before going for the door. She opened it just a little bit, as if worried he’d see the dead scientist behind her. “Oh good, you’re here.” 

He grinned as if he was relieved to see her, and any urge in Five to close the door disappeared. The twisting turning in her stomach made it hard to pick words to say. She kept her gaze on his shirt.

“Yep. Here I am.” No wait, that sounded so stupid. Five flinched but relaxed when Sam laughed. 

“I just wanted to pop by and say thanks.” 

“For what, exactly?” She had an idea about what he might be talking about, but it was hard to think he’d really care enough to track her down to thank her. 

“For deciding to eat with us tonight. I know it’s not something you normally do.” 

Slowly, she raised her eyes to his face. Five looked for any signs that he was lying, but found only an expression of appreciation. When Alice would tell her about Sam, Five would convince herself that she was exaggerating, or that Alice’s love for him made the ghost biased. But, in that moment, Five could almost believe her. 

When she didn’t say anything, Sam continued. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit pushy.”

“No! No, you. You’re fine.” Five swallowed, looking back at his shirt. “It’s nothing, really. I didn’t really think it would matter to anyone where I ate.” 

“It’s one of the few times we get to all sit down and just talk.” 

Even with her eyes on his chest, Five could hear the happiness in his voice. She closed her eyes and panicked. “We’ll talk then.” With that, Five closed the door and locked it, pressing her back against the wood and just listened. 

“Oh, uh. Alright. See you there! Thanks again!” He wasn’t even mad that she had shut the door in his face. She slid down the door, head in her hands as she waited for her heart rate to slow down. 

‘Five?’ Chris’ concerned voice broke through her swirling thoughts and Five looked up to see him on the other side of the room. He didn’t crowd her, or touch her, and she was thankful for that. 

_‘I’m fine.’_

‘But are you happy?’ His question gutted her and for a second she struggled to breathe. 

_‘I just want to survive. Surviving is- It’s fine. I’m fine.’_

‘And living is painful, I know. Survive if you have to, Five.’

A pitiful laugh escaped her and brought with it unwanted tears that she wiped away at once. _‘Thanks.’_ Five rested her head back against the door and stared up at the ceiling. _‘Every time I try to live, it nearly kills me. Everything would be so much easier if I were invisible.’_

‘I can tell you from experience, being invisible only makes it worse. Even if you wanted to reach out, there’s no one that can hear you. You still have that option.’

Five closed her eyes and after a few seconds of shared silence, Chris approached. ‘I’m going to go, but if you’d like to talk, I’m here.’

_‘Thank you._ ’ With that, Five was alone. When was the last time she was happy? When had she last lived?

It had been that morning, a little over six months ago. She woke up still wrapped around her boyfriend in some house that wasn’t theirs. They were starving, but they were together. They were alive and she was so in love. Five trusted him with everything and he was all she had. 

That had been her mistake. Five forced herself up from the floor and rubbed any lingering moisture from her face. No matter how nice it might feel, no matter how much she might want it, she wouldn’t make that mistake again. 

 

Night had settled over Abel and the streets were lit with sparse campfires. In the darkness wiggled the nameless. Twisting claws and leech like creatures stretched across the ground to the shadows’ edge. Five kept her beam on where her feet would fall. Unlike normal people, she could feel them when they touched her, so she kept the dark away as much as possible. The mess hall was easy to spot in the night. The windows sent light over the streets and painted the surrounding patchwork buildings in warm yellows and oranges. The creatures of darkness and doubt stayed far away and Five turned off her flashlight and took a deep breath. From one anxiety to another, she prepared herself and stepped inside. 

It was noisy and chaotic, conversations of the living and the dead overlapping the sound of mismatched silverware on chipped and repaired bowls. For just a second she hoped that the loudest table would miss her as she slipped into the crowd and towards the food line. 

“If it isn’t the famous Runner Five,” Sara Smith laughed, coming up to wait behind her in line. “Heard you’ll be joining us for dinner tonight.”

“Oh? That’s um. Yeah.” Her hunched shoulders slumped and Sara patted her back.

“Just relax. No one here’s gunna bite you. Also, if you really want to sneak in and out without being seen maybe next time you should ditch the bright red hat.” Five reached up and took it off, letting her long and tangled ponytail free. 

“Little late for that,” Sara nudged her and pointed at Sam who was already waving at them from his spot at the table. Sara waved back with a small laugh. “Been a while since I’ve seen him so excited.” Five said nothing at that, turning her gaze to the person in front of them. 

“You don’t have to be just a spectator, Five. Unless you were sent here to spectate.” Five flinched at that, knowing she was referring to Greenshoot and Mullins and things she tried not to think about. 

“I’m just not a people person,” She finally offered as they reached the food. “Don’t you ever find them… exhausting?” 

“Everything is exhausting these days,” Sara said as she took her tray and bowl. “I just think some energy is worth the spending while we can.” 

Five hesitated and followed Sara to the group. At the table was Sam, around him were people who had introduced themselves to her but she didn’t make much effort to remember, like Three and Four. Others she had been commanded to know such as Myers, and De Luca. Five took her seat at the furthest end she could and Sara took the seat beside her. Her anxiety only grew when she spotted Alice standing just over Sam’s shoulder, the ghost giving her two thumbs up. 

“Look who came to join us,” Sam smiled. 

“Good to have you here, Five,” Maxine agreed. “I was starting to wonder if you even ate. We never see you here.”

“Nothing wrong with someone wanting to eat in peace,” Janine broke a cracker in half and dunked it into her soup.

“How were your runs today, Five?” Jody asked. When Five didn’t answer, Sam jumped in. 

“Oh, you know her. She did just fine. Came back with twenty whole cans of food and some other stuff on her last run.”

“Twenty cans? That must have been really heavy.” When Five again didn’t reply to Jody, Sara gave her a little nudge. 

“Oh, yeah,” Five swallowed. “It was heavy.”

“Not as heavy as mine,” Simon grinned. “I was on a hardware run today and bagged-”

“Two chainsaws, three hammers, and a power drill,” Jody rolled her eyes. “You already told us.”

“I was telling Five.” 

“I don’t think she cares much,” Jody probably didn’t mean it any way against her, but it still made Five straighten. 

She had to play along and just get through it. “That’s good, Three.” 

“See? Five knows what’s up,” Simon smirked at Four before looking at Five. “So, yesterday we were all trying to guess what your name is. I was guessing it was probably something like an Amy.”

Annoyed, Five looked at Sam who looked away sheepishly. “No way she’s an Amy,” Jody scoffed. “She’s more of a Beth I think.” 

“I would guess Samantha,” Sara said. To all their answers, Five shook her head. 

“Well, what is it? We’d love to be able to call you by your real name,” Maxine asked. “Unless, of course, you’re not ready to tell us.” 

It was suffocating with all of them watching her and waiting. Five finally answered with a question. “Why did all of you start to call runners by numbers?” 

They all exchanged looks, no one sure who should answer first. “It’s easier to give orders on the air,” Sam smiled. “Less syllables, you know? Besides it makes you guys sound like secret agents, heh. Double O Five.”

“It also makes daily scheduling and recording simpler,” Janine added, cutting Sam off before his tangent turned into a whole new conversation. 

“It gives me something to feel proud of?” Jody shrugged. “It’s a title I want to do right by.”

“You’ve got a big title to live up to, Five.” Simon’s words were met with warning looks from Maxine, Janine and Jody. “What? It’s true.”

“I thought it was because we were expendable.” The air vanished from the table at Five’s words. “It’s better not to know our names because we don’t last that long.” 

“No. No, that’s not right,” Jody frowned. 

For Five, it had been an honest observation, but their shocked and offended reaction was good. It was better to just let them get the message loud and clear. They’d leave her alone and she could get back to surviving.

‘What are you doing?’ Alice asked, but Five ignored her.

“Sure it is,” Five shrugged as she continued. “I’ve been here four months and the last Five and Ten have died since then-”

“I think you’ve said enough.” Sara said, her eyes on Sam who stared down at his empty bowl.

“It’s good is what I’m trying to say,” Five said. The expressions around the table remained a mix of shock and anger. Except Simon, of course. He looked entertained, like he was about to see a fight break out and was waiting for the first swing. “Isn’t it smarter to be friends with the cook, or the school teacher, or the doctor than a runner?”

“N-no,” Sam swallowed back a growing lump in his throat. “Runners are some of t-the bravest and best people still left here. All of them are worth knowing and remembering.”

“Well, some of us are,” Jody glared at Five. “Can I get your tray, Sam? We still have enough time to get some poker in.” He didn’t answer her, but also didn’t protest as she took it and left.

“You should apologize,” Janine crossed her arms.

“To who?”

“To Sam and the other runners,” Janine’s command was answered by a laugh from Five. 

“Alright, fine. Sam, I’m sorry that the truth hurts. We know what we sign up for and I think it’s better we stay numbers. I don’t care if you or the others agree. I don’t want to know your stories or your names. I don’t want to be your friend. I just don’t care. All I want is to do my job, eat my food, and just go to sleep.” 

Janine nodded to Sara who stood and grabbed Five’s arm and pulled her upwards. “That’s enough socializing for one night.” 

“Wait-” Sam stood. “It’s not Five’s fault. I. I knew she didn’t want to come, but I just thought… well, I hoped that…”

“It’s still her bedtime,” Sara smiled for him. “Let’s go tuck you in, Five.” She tried to pull free but found her arm securely locked in Sara’s grip. It was only as she was being dragged out into the night that Five remembered she hadn’t eaten anything at all. 

“What on earth made you think that was a good idea?” Sara demanded as they headed down the street and back into the darkness. “Do you have any idea how hard we all worked to help get Sam to a good place?”

“Did you ever think that maybe he’s not the right kind of person to do that job, then?” Sara came to a stop, the two of them lit by only the moonlight. With her arm still pinned, Five couldn’t reach for the flashlight on her belt. Her fear of the approaching nameless around them was replaced by a shiver at the scowl on Sara’s face. Thankfully she was jerked ahead before they could reach her ankles. Around the corner, Five saw the armory come into view. At least the ground around it was well lit. 

Inside the armory, Sara took Five to a small room outfitted with just a chair and shut and locked the door behind them. “We need to talk.” 

From her pocket, Sara pulled out an ID card and held it out for Five to see. It took her a second and a little squinting, but the moment Five read it, she knew she messed up. 

“Samantha Torres,” Sara read it out loud. “Mullins Military ID, date of birth May 5th, 1996.”

“That’s my card. I remember us going to get it-”

“I guessed Samantha at the table and you said it wasn’t your name.”

“I wasn’t listening to much of anything they were saying-”

“You were telling the truth. The fear on your face when you read the card just now tells me you forgot about this fake ID.”

Five took a deep breath and rubbed her face, trying to stay in control of her emotions. History was repeating. “Fine, ok, my name isn’t Samantha. But I am from Mullins. They assigned me the name.”

“Why would Mullins give you a fake name?”

“What’s the other option? That in the middle of the zombie apocalypse I got someone to make me a fake ID just in case a copter happened to get blown out of the sky?”

“Maybe you’re the one that blew it up.” Five just stared at her. Sara was sure that given the woman’s current state she’d have given a tell if that had been the case. “Why don’t you explain what your part in Greenshoot is? Everyone involved has their skill and place. Why would they send us a nameless runner with a fake ID?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.” Sara tossed the card to Five before crossing her arms. “You won’t be leaving until you tell me the truth.” Don’t panic, Five told herself as she stared at the floor. It was like Mullins all over. She’d never see the sky again. 

“I won’t tell you,” Five said with a shaking voice. Sara closed the distance and pulled her up and out of her chair by her left arm. 

“I am really losing my patience.” Five’s arm was brought back and behind her. A small twist and it popped from its socket causing her to cry out in pain. “Do you want to try that answer again?”

“I can’t tell you!”

“I’m breaking it next. This is your last chance.” 

“Fine! Fine please-” Sara dropped her back to her chair and Five cradled her dislocated arm. She was trembling and starving and drained and didn’t deserve this. But this was how it always went. The secret never stayed secret for long. Five took a deep breath and bowed her head.

“I’m here to ensure that Greenshoot succeeds, n-no matter what.”

“You’re going to need to be a bit more specific.”

She looked up at Sara, her pleading eyes only met with a cold glare. “I am to continue any work left unfinished in the... The event that a key person is lost.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re expecting me to believe you’re that widely skilled and trained?”

Five closed her eyes, unable to look at her, too scared to watch her expression. “I. Can communicate with the dead.”

There were a few seconds of silence before Sara laughed. “What, you mean you can talk to zombies? C’mon. If you’re going to lie, you should at least think of a better one than that.”

“No, not zombies. Ghosts. I can see them, talk to them. They can talk to me and if one knows my name they can possess me.”

“I’m going to have to break your arm now.” She reached for her, but Five flinched away. 

“I can prove it to you! Under my bed, below the middle plank are five composition books filled with new work from McShell.” Sara took a step back and Five let out a shuddering breath of relief. 

“I’m going to go and look. If they’re not there, I’m going to break both arms.”

Five could only sit there, shaking as Sara left and locked the door behind her. She wished she could have kept her secret a little longer. Five wanted to sleep, but the pain from her arm and the adrenaline wouldn’t allow it. There was nothing to do but sit there and wait. 

When the door opened, Janine stepped inside with Sara behind. In Sara’s arms were four of the books, the fifth was in Janine’s hands as she thumbed through it. 

“Normally, I would have your arm taken care of,” De Luca began once she closed the book. “But after tonight’s little stunt at dinner, I’m not in much of a hurry. Now, Sara tells me that you claim you can speak to ghosts?”

Five hung her head and nodded. 

“Well, good thing it was your left arm that was dislocated because you’re going to have to show us for me to believe you.”

She flinched at that, dreading her next words. “I can’t right now. I just don’t have the energy.” 

Janine sighed and took the books from Sara. “Then I guess it’ll have to wait till tomorrow.” 

“Just hold still and take deep breaths,” Sara said as she took Five’s left arm. “Shoulders back, chest out and here we go.” Five groaned in pain as Sara twisted and pushed, her shoulder slipping back into place. “There we are, good as new.” 

Too dazed from the pain and drained from the day, she didn’t have it in her to resist as Sara removed Five’s belt and picked up the discarded ID on the floor before leaving. 

“Well, we know you need your rest, Five. Sleep tight,” Janine said before shutting the door and locking it. The sudden quiet and isolation hit her like a wave, setting her at ease. Until, of course, the lights were turned off. 

“No!” She dashed to the door and pounded on it. “Wait, please, the lights!” No one answered. “I need my flashlight!” No one came. Five slid down the door and pulled her knees to her chest. As she felt the cold sharp touch of the nameless on her legs Five knew the last thing she’d get that night was sleep.


End file.
